Although some areas still practice the traditional wake, many are now replacing it with a time of visitation. The old custom came about — in part — because it was important to be sure that the dead did not wake.
The time of watching over the body was to insure that the person was deceased. Family and friends would gather in the home to share stories, to share food, and most often to drink in excess. The wake became a party. The body would be prepared normally dressed in white and laid out in a designated room at the home of one of the family members. This room would be shut off from the merriment going on with the rest of the wake. The length of the wake would be determined by the funeral service.
Most often the wake would begin as soon as the body could be prepared and it would continue until the family left for the funeral service. All the clocks in the house would be stopped at the time of death.
It was a sign of respect for the deceased. The Rosary would be said at midnight and most visitors would then leave. Those closest to the family would remain throughout the night. Professional mourners were often employed to display grief for the deceased. The more unexpected or tragic the death then the louder the mourning would be shown.
Games, music, and merriment occurred in the rooms outside of the mourning room where the deceased had been placed. These games helped to lighten the mood and pass the time while waiting to see if the deceased would wake. Although the exact reasons behind the traditional Irish wake may have been lost or clouded, the emotions involved have not changed much over the years. They are all an opportunity to honor the passing of a loved one in a personal and unique way that represents who they were and how they impacted the world.
There are several key differences as well. A wake is usually a much more informal event than a funeral. While it can be very similar to a viewing, one of the key differences is the role of religion. Wakes initially got their start as a religious practice, and many of those traditions are still used today. Here are some other options to consider when honoring a friend or family member.
A memorial service is usually more informal than other services, but one essential element is that the body is not present. There is no timeline or other specific needs for a memorial service, so you may host it in a place or at a time that feels appropriate to the person you are honoring. Memorial services can and should take the shape of the deceased. Consider sharing poems or songs that speak to who they were and allow others to provide stories and memories for the service.
If your loved one wished to be cremated, you may want to have a scattering ceremony in a peaceful or sentimental location. This will be much less formal than a service in a religious institution or at the funeral home, and you can decide to invite as many people as you feel comfortable.
Traditionally, scattering ceremonies are much smaller, often just a few family and friends, and can be very intimate, personal experiences.
You may also decide to bury the ashes after cremation as well. The graveside service can be as formal or religious as you feel comfortable. As with a funeral, you can either decide to have an open graveside service or keep it closed to just family. As the name indicates, a celebration of life ceremony takes a different approach to the memorial services.
Rather than mourning the loss of a loved one, it focuses on all the deceased achieved and managed throughout the course of their life. Celebration of life ceremonies can have music, good food, and happy people.
They can be as formal or informal as you feel comfortable with, but should always reflect the type of person you are honoring. With so many memorial service options to decide between, it can be difficult to know which is the best choice for your loved one. This may feel a little callous, but the truth is that modern funerals can be quite expensive.
It can be difficult to manage a budget while experiencing grief. Sometimes picking a less expensive memorial service can help to reduce your stress and make it easier to take the time you need with loved ones and friends. Your loved one may have a specific request regarding their disposition that will help determine which memorial service is most appropriate. They hold them in the early evening hours of the day preceding the funeral service.
But there are circumstances where not attending would be shocking, or at least disrespectful. No one will fault you for not attending. If you feel empty… then you needed to attend or at least visit her grave. You may regret not going, but ultimately it is your choice. The funeral is for closure, and to support you, and your fathers family and loved ones.
The most common justification for your absence to a funeral is bad health, logistics, or the financial burden. If unable to go, make sure you still participate in some way.
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